top of page
  • Writer's pictureDebra Lee May

Why You Don't Need to Fit In

Updated: Jan 13, 2021

It’s crazy how clear it is to me as I look back at the times when I was super confident and focused on my path.

Having always felt admittedly different than the norm, it was at these times that I never cared an ounce. It was then that I was actually proud to be different, and the thought of fitting in was unsettling.

I am equally clear on the times when life got a little foggy or I became unsure and suddenly had the strange desire to want to be a part of the group. Uncharacteristically, I would feel a need to fit in.

I went from confident, financially secure career women to stay at home mom and the transition for me was anything but smooth.

I felt like I was always trying to catch up while I was trying to figure it out. It was chaotic, and nothing like the life I had planned.

I would joke the only thing I knew how to do at home was to love my kids, and I guess that’s not so bad. The thing is, because I was crystal clear on what I wanted for them, they exceeded my expectations.

But my path switched, so I didn’t have a clue what I wanted for myself. Life was too chaotic to even think about it.

When the chaos grows, you start to give yourself away. Little by little, you begin appeasing and minimizing yourself to get it done, make it easier, and just get some sleep.

The more you appease, the more the uncertainty of your own direction grows, and your confidence begins to slip. Your identity is no longer clear.

Then, there it was again, I wanted to fit in.

Suddenly, I wanted to be a part of the group, yet since I had moved so far from the security of me, I no longer knew who that was.

My mind had moved so far away that it was literally painful to try to be me. I was a fake, and uncomfortable so, of course, I didn’t fit in, but not for the reasons I would have liked.

Disappointment, embarrassment, and all the emotions that go with the idea that you are no longer who you used to be, and how do you get it back? Where do you grow from here? How do you become the person you know you are inside?

I was frustrated, but I was too busy and too cloudy to figure it out. I knew I couldn’t go on like this, and I had to find a way.

I became unstoppable in my search, and I started to feel this powerful kinetic energy waiting to come out, driving me to figure it out.

Once I started, I committed to change. Committed to doing whatever it took regardless of time or cost.

Suddenly I started to remember that powerful energy driving me and pushing me in ways it used to.

They were right! I didn’t fit in!

My confidence was rising, and I was once again in flow with my life.

It was a total realization that it was never about fitting in or wearing the right clothes or being the right religion, or a thousand other factors.

It was 100% about who I was inside and stepping into that person.

It was about allowing myself to dream about what I wanted now rather than what I felt was expected of me. It’s about letting go of the anger and the emotions holding me back.

Suddenly I saw it in a different light, and I understood the experiences that led me to this place.

It about pushing through comfort zones and understanding when you lift yourself by doing what’s right for you; you give others permission to do the same.

It’s about letting go of judgment and expectation, and being your best self, overflowing with confidence.

Today I'm empowered and inspired, and I love my life. My bucket list is full of incredible opportunities, and I can handle anything that comes my way.

This is what I want for you!

If you feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself over the years, and that you’ve been taking care of everyone else but somewhere along the way forgot about you, and you want to feel empowered again and actually love your life, I want to hear from you.

Send me a message here on Facebook, and let’s chat about how we can get back to you, rediscover who you are as an individual, as a woman, and as an influential leader.

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page