Stay Open
Life is a constant series of change and fluctuations. So whatever you’ve grown accustomed to will shift and move into a new form. Every transition challenges us to respond in a way that serves us rather than increases the pain.
Unfortunately, life’s hardest lessons usually come from the people you love the most, and it often comes down to communication.
If communication between people is good, you can easily share feelings and work things out, but when it’s not, the outcome is usually pain, misunderstanding or fear. It could be fear of losing someone or some change in the relationship.
When I was growing up, there was a lot of pain and anger in my family. My parents were divorced, and there was very little communication. So, I thought that anger and blame was a typical family value, and I grew up internalizing those same feelings.
My upbringing showed me things I never wanted my kids to experience, so I tried to shield them.
The thing is there is no way to shield children from the truth of life no matter how hard you try. I came to this realization a few times while they were growing up. We all learn things in our way and experience joy and pain in the pure experience of living.
I have a close relationship with my daughters, and I have been a fierce supporter of their decisions, but while visiting one this weekend, I noticed some anger in her. She was mad at me in a way I never experienced before.
I also know that what she was saying may not have anything to do with what she is actually mad at, but she is letting out some pent up anger she has been holding in.
The thing about anger is that people can take it out on things that had nothing to do with the real problem. So unless there is clear communication, you may never know.
I always knew there would be something that triggers her. I mean that’s not unusual in most mother-daughter relationships.
The hardest thing to do when you’re triggered is not to act out.
It’s best to keep your emotions close and give yourself some time to think about it first.
There is nothing more important to me than my family. So, while knowing that change is inescapable, the thing you can do is stay open.
The universe is working for you, not against you, so it serves you to keep your heart open and allow the discomfort while knowing that this too shall pass.
It may sound counter-intuitive to what you feel, but the other option may be to walk away from the relationship or close it off.
I want to be a big part of my daughter’s life. So I am choosing to keep an open heart and allow the natural shifts of growth to expand.
That includes letting her let the anger out, all while letting her know she is loved and valued and allowed to grow into who she is.
Stay open. You need to tell the voice in your head over and over again. It’s hard when you’re feeling triggered so keep saying it and just stay open.
Staying open into expansion opens the heart and strengthens you through the shift. It makes you stronger to endure the changes and stand as the person you want to be.
Cutting it out through anger contracts and minimizes you, making you the victim thus making the relationships harder to repair.
The transitions that matter are the most uncomfortable, yet also allow for the best possible outcome as long as you stay open and allow life to flow.