How to believe life is unfolding
I missed most of yesterday with a migraine. It set me back when I was already feeling behind. I am grateful to say this happens few and far between now, but there was a time in my 30s when the headaches took me out of the game.
At first, I didn’t know what they were. It was so bad I couldn’t open my eyes. Then, as I tried to get up, I got nauseous and thought I had the flu. The worst part is that it took a whole day before I started to feel better.
I was in the midst of a huge life change from corporate career to stay at home mom. I remember thinking that my body and mind weren’t used to my new lifestyle and the stress was what was giving me a headache. I may have been partially right.
My daughters were babies back then, and over the next couple of years, the headaches got worse and more frequent. I would spend days on the couch because moving made it worse. I tried everything to feel better, but even the prescription medicine didn’t help for hours.
I remember how hard it was to take care of my daughters while feeling like this. The doctors told me to start tracking the days I felt good and what I ate as I tried various prescription drugs.
I was confused because I was healthy otherwise. I ate well and exercised so relying on prescription meds was new to me.
Sometimes when I start writing, I am surprised where the thoughts take me.
All this reminded me of some of the most painful memories that I have kept safely hidden away. To continue to heal and to help others, I need to share my experiences.
It was a time I wasn’t sure that I would make it through.
In the year after leaving my job, my dad passed away quickly followed by our beloved nanny.
My daughters knew my father’s young wife as their nana (grandma). After his death, she decided she didn’t want to play grandma anymore. Not an easy lesson to explain to 2 little girls.
Grandma doesn’t want to see you or pretend to be your grandma anymore?
Nana worked at the local public school, and she was a favorite gym teacher among the kids. When my daughters reached middle school, they had X-Grandma as their teacher!
I didn’t realize it then, but I was teaching my girls mindset and the power of being secure with who they are from an early age. I would tell them some people show you how you should never treat another person. It starts with knowing you are and who you want to become.
My youngest had allergies and asthma, and we were regulars at the pediatrician’s office and the local Children’s hospital. My mother’s had early onset dementia, and I added her to my plate.
In the midst of the chaos, we sold the home we loved and moved down the road. It was strange decision apparently based on the uncertainty of the moment. It took years to feel like it was home.
The real change was my marriage. All these changes, change you. I was no longer the women with the big sales career, no longer dressing up, feeling financially independent, working with clients and not receiving any recognition as I had.
I felt the doctors condescendingly spoke to me as though they were tired of me looking for answers. It was all new.
I had spent my life creating my career. Raising kids, and becoming a caregiver to my mom was all new to me, and then came the headaches.
I wasn’t the same person. I felt it with my husband, and things were different for us. I felt blindsided and numb.
The support systems I was used too; my husband or mom and dad were gone.
Even though the circumstances may be different, I am guessing you understand.
I put my energy into my daughters. I was there 100% for them, but I felt emotionally and physically done. The one constant was my workouts. They have always been my release. It kept me alive and thinking, and it still does.
It was too much at once, and I felt me slipping away into the fog. Stay afloat. That’s all I needed to do. This too shall pass, just stay afloat.
I lost it all, and I guess I manifested that, but I also manifested the right things.
I knew a few things without a doubt, and those things came to pass. I wanted my daughters to be strong, independent and secure. I wanted them to have a good education, travel the world and be open to different cultures and religions. I wanted them to thoughtful, real people, and this is who they are.
I also knew without a doubt, that someday I would figure it out and get back to me. I wasn’t going to quit. I would have these thoughts that even though I feel different, I was still me on the inside.
It took a long time but, I did it. I became the new improved, stronger, smarter, and happier me. I learned how to control the headaches, and deal with doctors.
I pushed through. Life was opening up again, and it just kept getting better.
In my early 40s, as I started gaining strength and making changes, I realized I wasn’t the only one who had felt this way. It dawned on me that I had to go through this to understand how it feels so I could help you and show you that it’s possible. It’s possible to move through to the other side happier, and more secure.
I took a daily preventative drug for more than ten years to control my headaches and often I took an equally strong medication if I felt one coming on. As I got older and started sorting things out, the migraines also began to subside, however probably due more to body changes and aging rather than mindset.
One day, I decided I would no longer be held back by anyone or anything in my life. That included these drugs. I stopped taking them and took back control of what I could; my diet, exercise, and my mindset including releasing pent-up anger.
I am grateful for the lesson.
When I talk to people, I hear the anger or blame in their circumstances. I’ve been there and holding on to this serves no one especially you.
This is the mild overview of my story, and like you, there is so much more.
As I delve back into the hard stuff more will come out, I will release it, and it will make me stronger, more alive than before.
Wherever you are and whatever you have been through it is possible to turn around. You can move forward, and you can take back control of what holds you back.
If you are holding on to the past and are ready to shift into a space of strength and happiness, let’s talk.
I work with powerful women, leaders, and successful businesswomen often at the height of their careers, and those who are no longer there but still feel they are on the inside.
If you feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself over the years, and that you’ve been taking care of everyone else but somewhere along the way forgot about you, and you want to feel empowered again, I want to hear from you.
Send me a message and let’s chat about how we can get back to you, rediscover who you are as an individual, as a woman, as a leader.