While mother's day has always been a favorite day for me, the older I get, the more I appreciate the incredible awesomeness of what I love most in my life.
The moment they're born, everything you thought you knew or expected changes. That moment you are responsible for another life, and that life comes with an overwhelming flow of love, life as you know it has shifted. Of course, this is not a revelation to any mom out there, but a universal truth.
When my oldest daughter was born, I was fiercely independent and driven. I was clear on what I wanted for her, and I would've never dreamt that things would ever go differently from the high expectations I set, Also, that I'd learn more from them than anything I'd ever experienced. Another universal truth, I guess.
When they were very young, it was hard to imagine that there would ever be a day that I wouldn't be their world. Of course, that all changed, but the one thing I didn't expect was how my life would change too.
As they got older and life became busier, I started taking less time for myself. I didn't know it at the time, but women often take care of lots of things at the expense of themselves. The less you take care of yourself, the worse you feel, which was NOT the role model I wanted to be for them.
Your children need you to be more than that. They need you to see you give yourself all the things you want for them.
The truth is, people, treat you in the same manner you feel about yourself, and your children are no different. So when you're not at your best, that's what you can expect from them. Then since you emotionally align with them, you feel this, and the cycle continues. The only way to turn it around is to change how you think about yourself. While it sounds counter-intuitive, the better you feel, the better everything works, including relationships on every level!
They need you to believe in you as much as you believe in them, or they will turn to others for support. As they get older, they may even dismiss the things you had always enjoyed together and find something that better suits them now.
When my self-esteem was at its worst, and I was at the lowest point of my life, it felt like my kids didn't want to be with me either. I couldn't handle it, and it forced me to take a look at who I was and figure it out! When I did, everything changed, and it can change for you too!
If you are determined to get back to you and have the healthy relationships you dreamed of, it's possible. It's easier than you think to work on yourself, and feel your confidence grow. When you feel better, all your relationships will too!
When you actively go after your interests without the care of judgment, your kids also gradually step up to that closeness. Slowly, often unspoken, people come back into your life, and relationships improve.
My daughters, both in their early 20's and I are closer than ever. This is also my wish for you. If you're ready to do what it takes to feel better and feel the growth and excitement in your relationships again, PM me, and let's talk. Happy Mother's Day!