How to Strengthen Your Relationships
With school starting, it brought me back to when my girls were here. It reminds me that the solution is never to be more like them, but always to be more like you!!
Somewhere in or around middle school, girls start changing. I don’t mean so much their bodies, although I’m sure that’s part of it, but more their attitudes and the ideas of who they are and where they fit.
Overnight, the girls seem to flock together. I don't want to stereotype because they're not all mean girls, but most want to be a part.
The dynamics are constantly shifting. Some days you're on top, and others you're out altogether.
And so it begins. The chasing to be a part of the group, to be accepted, liked, valued or any even seen. The idea that you think like them, dress like them, and then you too can be part of the group. Don’t deviate, or be different in any way or especially at this age.
So kids start to assimilate to be like one another, rather than being who they are and aspiring to be their best selves. Unless of course, they have a stable core image of themselves, where they either don't care to be a part of the group, or they lead it.
The leaders define who they are regardless of what the others are doing.
The chasing doesn't end in middle school. It follows you through life, where you ebb and flow through chasing and leading that mirrors how you feel about yourself.
It's the same with personal relationships, and how you continue to keep strong ties when everyone is growing and changing. You have the same two choices. You shift who you are, how you think, dress, or act to fit in, or you build up your core self and lead.
It's not about leading a group anymore, even though it could be, it's more about personal leadership and how you hold and define yourself.
The most successful relationships include compromise to make them work, but there's a fine line between compromising to meet someone's needs and giving yourself away. Trust me, we've all been there.
It's when you feel you've lost a bit of yourself or that feeling that something's off, and you're suddenly sure it's you. Then, you think, if you could only change that one thing, it would be different. So you start to twist into who you think they want you to be.
Minimizing who you are to strengthen a relationship is counter-intuitive! It's more likely that changing for someone else is not only a temporary band-aid, but it's also somewhat degrading. It's belittling to change who you are to meet the needs of someone else.
The thing is, life is a series of losing yourself and growing into your next phase and becoming the next version of you, but you can't figure it out from someone else's perspective.
It's never up to you to be what you think they need. It's up to you to stand up and be what you need!
The real truth is that the stronger, more secure you are with yourself, the more those who matter will want to be around you.
When you're standing in your truth of who you are, relationships aren't wishy-washy or unstable. When you're sure about what's important and why you want it, you make better decisions and strengthen the right ties. It's up to you to set the tone for how you're treated and received.
You hold the power.
You create the life, the relationships, and the opportunities that light you up.
There's no sense of any real happiness when you've stepped out of you! Let's connect and get back on track, secure with who you are and where you're going.
Join me in my free group Own Your Past - Love Your Now (Build Your Future) https://www.facebook.com/groups/1870347043030219/
You're not too old, and it's never too late.