How to strengthen relationships
I’ve always said girls are tricky, and nobody likes to be told what to do! So, I think I have somewhat made it an art form of deciding how and when is the best time to broach sticky subjects and stay in their good graces.
In the past, when visiting anyone, my husband and I have enjoyed hotels rather than staying with people. We like to get our stuff done before meeting up, but that all changed when my daughters moved away. My husband still prefers hotels, but I’d rather stay with them and be a part of their daily lives.
While we usually go out for lunch, dinner and even brunch, and I’ve experienced plenty of restaurants, social activities, and the area’s attractions, but staying with them gives me a whole new perspective on who they are and how they live.
I try my best not question how they do things or tell them my way. They’re both smart, and they’ll figure out what works best for them. It’s vital for me to have them enjoy our time together rather than me telling them what to do because that’s the way it’s always been done. Which, of course, would be a surefire way for them to want me to leave.
It never fails though, there’s always something that comes up that I spend a day or two figuring out how to tell them in a manner that doesn’t offend them, and at a time that they’re ready to receive it.
It sounds like a lot of work, but I always say girls are tricky and nobody likes to be told what to do!
It’s usually about taking the time to understand who they are, not who I expect them to be, and only use it for essential information, or at least, what I consider essential at the time.
I’ve spent enough time trying to live up to other people’s expectations, and I never want them to feel that way, so I’m careful about how I present things that may go against their norm.
This past weekend, with Lana, was easy. The big thing that came up was how she and her roommate kept their apartment. They’re both young and in their first corporate careers with busy lifestyles.
Sounds simple, but I spent a day thinking about how to put this in a way that works for her, or in other words, where she doesn’t zone me out.
Then, I realized to be most successful; you need to focus on what’s most important. They’re busy building their lives, and washing their floors isn’t even on their lists right now, and honestly, nor should it be.
The most successful people focus on their strengths. Right now, these girls are building their personal and professional networks and making a name for themselves in their particular industries. So, when I figured that out that the point is to focus on your why and your strengths, it became a no-brainer to tell them that they didn’t need to do it themselves, but someone should be doing it. Then, I shared some options of how they could split the cost of cleaning help once or twice a month.
They loved the idea, and they both agreed it was necessary! It gave me the opportunity to compliment them on where they’re at and find a way to help them out. Had I just said these floors are filthy, it probably would have changed the outcome.
My goals are to have my daughters live their best lives and to be a close part of it, so I want to help them figure out what benefits them now and in the long run. It’s a win-win.
By the way, cleaning was an easy one, and there have been much steamier incidents that required different actions, but how you address it, all comes down your goals in the relationship.
I’ve worked hard to become a welcomed part of their lives where they can’t wait to have me visit, but it wasn’t always like that!
When they were leaving high school, and on to college there were plenty of times I felt they were trying to get away from me. Like lots of moms, I gave myself away while raising them, and I felt depleted and left out.
That’s not what I wanted!
I wanted to be fulfilled in my own life and have a close relationship with them, too. What I didn’t know was that working on me, strengthened my bond with them. Honestly, it reinforced my relationships with everyone!
By releasing pain, anger and the blocks that were holding me back, I was able to see what I wanted clearly and a path to get it. The more I worked on me, rather than them, the more they wanted to be around me. It was the crazy truth!
It just kept going, and I found myself with the best of both worlds! Rebuilding my life and being present, increased communication and strengthened all the relationships that mattered.
The more secure I felt, and the more present and self-aware I became, the more I could see what mattered to them. Then, I was clear on what they needed, rather than what I needed to say.
I’m so excited to announce my upcoming course, Building Bonds that Matter!
Four weeks to build and strengthen relationships that impact your life.
I’ll be sharing the exact steps I used to recreate my life and strengthen the relationships that matter most to me.
More to come…
PM for more details! I can’t wait to hear from you!