• Debra Lee May

How to Stop Holding in the Anger

Updated: Jan 6

So what happens when the one who takes care of everyone starts to falter? What happens when life becomes unbearable because circumstances that were outside of your control overwhelm you? Then, suddenly, you begin to feel differently, and that secure feeling of knowing what is right for you shifts.


Sadly, it's normal for women to hold in pain and anger while stewing on the inside. It's a heavy burden to carry, and the side effects break up relationships, lower self-confidence, and keep you stuck.


So what happens when the one who takes care of everyone, the one everyone turns to, starts to falter? What happens when life becomes unbearable because circumstances that were outside of your control overwhelm you? Then, suddenly, you begin to feel differently, and that secure feeling of knowing what is right for you shifts.


Is there someone you turn to for help, or do you withdraw inside or lash out in anger? You know how it feels to retreat into darkness and disconnect from the most important people around you.


It doesn't matter if you're on your way up or down. How you feel about yourself directly affects all your relationships. They all flow parallel to how you're feeling about yourself, and you're never hiding your feelings as well as you think you are.


I've been on top, and I have fallen to some pretty low levels in my life, and some situations are still too painful to think about. So, I get it. Life isn't always what you would expect, but it can change.


You can turn it all around, and you can reframe it all in an instant. It's more than just believing it will, but combining your beliefs and direct action.


You can start right now from where you are. You can release the pain and anger (which never makes what happened right) and create space for something better.


Get a journal and start writing!


If you haven't thought about your future in a while, now is an excellent time to start. Write down where you'd like to be and how you feel when you get there. It doesn't have to be perfect. But if you don't want to feel like this anymore, how do you want to feel?


If you haven't thought about what's next for you in a while, it's OK. Just write about something better than where you're at now. You can add or change tomorrow, but start seeing yourself in a better place and write it down.


Then, write down what else is on your mind. What's hurt you or you didn't understand. You can release some of the emotions by getting the experiences down on paper. Don't hold back, and feel free to throw it away after. Writing creates a release of the event or a way to let it go, and trust me, it'll feel good to get it out!


Then, read what you wrote with different eyes. See if you can see the situation as if it happened to someone else and you're just reading about it. Or, can you see a way to reframe it, or what you've learned, or shifted paths because it happened? Do this for yourself and start getting rid of the stuff you're holding in.


*Journaling is a powerful exercise, but this isn't a one and done. Instead, do it over as many times as it takes until the painful events no longer trigger you.


Taking the time to explore where you've been and what you want helps to shift the anger and release the stuck.


If you're holding in pain and anger and feel like no one would understand what you've been through, let's talk. I've been there, and I can't wait to talk with you.


Schedule a free 30-minute call here.