Debra Lee May
Five Steps to Stop Numbing Your Emotions
Updated: Mar 3, 2021
My kitchen has three large windows with red valances on top, and I remember thinking red may add a pop of color to the room. At the time, I was in a bad place emotionally. The thought takes me back to when I was unsure of everything, including what to do with those windows. Trust me; it's all connected.
My kids were young, and I was clear on what I wanted for them, but I was miserable, and I had no idea what to do or where to turn. My life had somehow spiraled out of control, and it felt dramatically different from the confidant sales rep I was a few years earlier.
After leaving my job to stay home, it felt like I was living way outside of my comfort zone. I didn't seem to fit anywhere, and it wasn't long before my confidence plummeted, and my life spiraled into something I'd never experienced before.
I always had lots of friends, so it felt odd to feel lonely and anxious. The things that came so naturally before now felt forced or fake. I wanted to feel better or find something to make me feel better, but I had no idea what it was. I just didn't want this anymore.
Cleaning the kitchen one morning, I noticed the windows seemed so bare. They needed something too, but I didn't know what that was either. Craving something different, I called a company that specialized in window treatments.
Feeling vulnerable, I chose a color that matched my feelings rather than one I enjoyed. While my favorite colors are deep blues or cream-colored neutrals, I chose red—the color of rage and most likely what I was feeling inside. Even when you think you're hiding it, there are clues or signs of your current reality.
It's when you just want to feel better. So, you reach for something, anything, that's going to numb your mood. It could be shopping for shoes, drinking, or eating away your feelings. That day, it was window coverings—a reminder of an unaligned decision to buffer and numb my emotions, at least for the moment.
The thing is, your self worth can't be bought or numbed into validation. It can, however, change. You can build up to a better place using what brought you there as a stepping stone.
Genuine confidence and security never come from anything outward, and numbing is only temporary. The change you need comes from releasing what's keeping you stuck, or angry, or feeling like there's has to be more. It's facing the pain straight on and getting through it by feeling, rather than numbing it.
It only takes a few simple steps to redirect you to a better place.
-1- Decide that you're too important to wait another day.
Commit that this is the day you decide to make a change.
-2- Get it out and let it go.
Stop venting to friends and write out your pain, thoughts, and desires with passion for your eyes only. Feel a release from sharing your inner thoughts where you don't need to explain or justify them to anyone. Do it in a way that works for you. Use a journal, your computer, or an old napkin you can throw away, but get it out.
-3- Journal and write your life as you would like it to be.
Remember your dreams or define some new ones. Pretend you have an open palette to design whatever you can imagine. What you focus on becomes your reality, so allow your mind to go there.
-4- Make a gratitude list for what you have now.
Gratitude is an instant mood booster, and where you are is your stepping stone to a better place. The universe wants to give you everything as soon as you recognize what's already in your reach.
-5- Forget about the window treatments, your choice of numbing, or any perceived mistakes you feel you've made.
Show yourself love and compassion for whatever you did or didn't do.
Take the time and do it now for you.
Every moment is temporary, and you don't have to hold on to a life that doesn't suit you. Small shifts lead to bigger changes that are all within your reach.
If this sounds like you, let's talk. It's time to get clear and create a plan to get you headed to where you want to go. I've been there, and I get it, and life has proven itself to become more than I could've imagined it would be. It's possible, and it's all there waiting for you. Schedule a free session now. I can't wait to talk with you!